hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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