if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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