My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
