The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize