at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
