I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
