The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
