I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You are the jesus of drinking
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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