I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
