I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
