for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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