I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
