Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
this hospital has no fireball
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
