i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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