Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
