Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
