You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
