No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
