My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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