there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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