Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There r osticjed everywhere
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
the night ended with taco bell and tears
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
