dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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