last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
