well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
