the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
