I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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