New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
