You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
