i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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