I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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