It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
