Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
