Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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