How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He felt like a one man threesome
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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