Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
