We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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