i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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