take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
