we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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