let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
