Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
