Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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