he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
