The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
