On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
