I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
