what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
