You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
