You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
