Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
