Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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