i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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