my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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