Even the bartender felt bad for me
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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