It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
