he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
