Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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