Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
