maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I love you.
Bad choice
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