cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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