Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
