I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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