I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
this just has baby written all over it
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Randomize
