she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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