Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
