I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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