Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When are your genitals available?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
