had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
